I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize