You really coming over, don't trick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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