I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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