Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
