Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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