??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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