I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
