Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
