Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
