i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
