Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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