You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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