morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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