this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
