we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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