on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
