So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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