I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
