Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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