I wish my penis had an off switch
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
