On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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