In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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