I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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