Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
