I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
