I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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