I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i already hear my dad disowning me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
