Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
