he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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