I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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