Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
