I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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