YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
