some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
