I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
