I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
