That's when you crack a 10am beer
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
