i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im holly from the hills drunk
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
