so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
