Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
