So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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