Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My ass is underappreciated
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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