Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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