Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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