the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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