If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
