Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
