I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
