he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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