You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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