Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
