bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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