moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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