Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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