I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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