Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
