i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
