wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
