it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize