would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
