I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
