We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
