Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The power of my boobs compel you
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
