you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
