i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
