who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
