twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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