with your own penis?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
