Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
