I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
