I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I am available for nakedness
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
