Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
