high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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