my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
