final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
