you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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