i permit you to call me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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