South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Randomize