im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
