I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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