Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
