I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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