I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
