The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
