i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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