it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
