honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
