i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
