My cat gives me a boner
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize