those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
