I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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