We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
