3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
