community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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