I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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