Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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