420 ftw
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
