So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
