it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
