Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize